Tamara Bowman is committed to awakening authentic self-expression and uncovering the hidden treasures that lie within us. As a licensed psychotherapist, Tamara shows us where we get stuck in relationships and how to transcend the internal walls that prevent us from experiencing intimacy with others and ourselves. For fifteen years, Tamara successfully worked with abused children, adults, and couples. As a professor of human sexuality at Orange Coast College in Costa Mesa, California, thousands of students report that her entertaining style of addressing sensitive, sexual topics has transformed their lives. Tamara is known as the “sexpert” on international LA Talk Radio. As an inspirational speaker and workshop trainer, Tamara brings a wealth of experience in love, loss, ancient wisdom, and humor that will give you a new awareness of what is possible in your life.
Tamara is the founder of Emerald Echo, a world-class entertainment and wellness resort offering transformational workshops, peace talks, a day spa, art gallery, and dolphin-assisted therapy. She is also the author of two books, Living on the Edge of Goodbye . . . A Story of Hope, Healing, and Encouragement after Betrayal and Emerald Echo—The Story, a children’s book. In addition, she is a contributing author to the Amazon number one bestseller, Law of Business Attraction, by Ruby Yeah.
Q. How did these experiences change you?
They kept breaking up the illusions around me. I was born into a family that valued image. Everything was about how you looked and came across. Internally, the masks and walls were breaking apart until there were only broken pieces left inside. Through my healing, a mosaic masterpiece formed from my broken pieces. God’s light is now able to shine through those shattered pieces, allowing a prism of colored light to pour out of my heart. The light coming through my broken pieces is more powerful than any clear-cut perfection.
One of these experiences was when my former husband got on the Internet and decided to rekindle a romantic love affair with his old high school prom queen. When this happened, I felt a crack inside my heart like a lightning bolt splitting me in two. I cried from the core of my being, “God, this is too painful. How will I ever survive this? Please take my life.” When God didn’t, I said, “If you’re not going to take my life, then please send me angels. Show me my purpose for being here now. If I’m going to stay, then help me to really live! I don’t want a mediocre life anymore. That’s a death in itself. Please give me a word, because I can’t hear scripture being quoted by well-intended people trying to comfort me.”
I felt God say, “Tamara, millions of people have been through this before you, and millions will go through this after you. What’s going to make your experience any different?” When God conveyed this, I came to a place of surrender, and then another awareness broke through. I said, “God, give me the mind of Christ . . . even as Judas gave Jesus the kiss of betrayal, Jesus still loved him. Give me that kind of heart.”
The love I had come to know rose up inside me, and I was able to leave my former husband in love. When I confronted him, I said, “I love you enough to want what you think is best for you, even if it’s not me. So make your plans to be with her.” When I released him, I felt free to be who God called me to be—with a knowing that one day I would be in love again, this time with someone who matches my mission here on Earth. My former husband did me a favor! He had the guts to leave what wasn’t working for our highest good.
My gift is speaking the truth in love to let others know that everything is as it’s supposed to be. So when pain comes knocking at your door, open it and say, “Oh, you are here again.” Let the pain in, and do not allow it to leave without giving you a gift. It’s like thrusting an icicle into your heart. What happens when ice meets heat? It has to melt. Your pain will never stay as acute as first felt. It has to change form. The pain gives you an opportunity to ask, “In light of this challenge, who do I get to be now?”
Q. Anything else?
We come into this world yearning to know God and fulfill our purpose. It’s like starting out at the bottom of a mountain, trying to get to the top, where God is. As we climb higher and higher, we see everything more clearly. We realize that despite our different semantics and religions, we are all saying the same thing. We are all one. When we get that, we could never imagine harming anyone, because hurting them would mean injuring ourselves. The closer we are to God, the more we realize we are all of it: the light and the dark, the perpetrator and the victim. In that place of peace, we don’t need to be right. We just get to love.
For the rest of the interview, please check out the book, Seek The Lover Within: Lessons from 50 Spiritual Leaders.